Norfolk Broads and those that Wear 'Em

Nick Thorpe writes: Some chap just strode past me wafting a mustard yellow loose fitting jumbo corduroy suit. It reminded me of the ‘Corduroy Code’ from the defunct rag Gastro Guy, which I have reprinted here for those that have trouble differentiating between the ‘aristocrats’ and the ‘hustlers’.

Salmon Pink - Street food entrepreneur

Actual Pink - Aristo gadfly

Coral Pink - Antique Dealer

Neon Pink - Dance music wordsmith - Content is king

Golden Yellow - UKIP blagger

Lemon Yellow - Heroin-addicted fop

Leprechaun Green - Cheeky boarding school rapist

Apple Green - Fraudulent cunt who bought his title off the Internet

Lime Green - Sunday Times advertisement model

Bracken Brown - History lecturer with a really dark secret

Avocado on Toast - Old Street IT guy

Sky Blue - Professional Tod’s car shoe wearing racist

Olive Oil - Explorer/polar bear bait

Sage Green - Bang into farm animals

Burnt Umber - Straw hatted nincompoop

Mustard Yellow - Flamboyant curly-haired popinjay

Look Guys I’m Wearing Orange - Lower Clapton social media cunt

Camouflage - Fisting

Raspberry Pink - Double chinned bon viveur

Cherry Red - To match his parvovirus B19-tinted cheeks

Blood Red - Brexit Buffoon

Khaki - Memphis Belle/Buzz Ricksons leather-clad OAPs

Note: these are all country grade garments, not to be confused with cheap grade corduroy often sported at football matches and racist get-togethers.