Acid House Dinner Party Conversation Primer

Essential intel for washed-up clubbers doing the 2017 answer to Abigail’s Party

Yeah, yeah… we know. Having kids has curtailed your acid house shenanigans; you can’t get an all-night babysitter, and, what’s more, all your old chums are all in the same boat. So rather than a messy afters back at yours and all the related tomfoolery, the acid house dinner party beckons. 

Reunited with your old chums, the toddlers are tucked up; your former clubbing pals have arrived, they’ve got a sitter till later, and you suddenly ask yourself, “What in heaven’s name are we going to talk about?”

You can’t just spend the whole evening saying “It’s not as good as it used to be”, or recounting that one time you got in a k-hole and didn’t know where you were (mad!), or that time you went out on Friday and got back on Monday morning (bonkers!). You’ve got to offer something better at an acid house dinner party or you’ll never get invited to any more.

Here, then, are a bunch of conversation starters – ‘primers’ that can make you look sophisticated, and yet will resonate with anyone else of a certain age who goes out once a year. Every single one screams “Hey, I’m not out of touch – even though I’ve got kids…”

“I mean of course they're listening to Solange – who isn’t? – but Adam and Jocasta have such Balearic taste, it's like the original Ibizan spirit. At the minute they adore Gaussian Curve too.”

“Actually, I'm listening to SZA more than Solange now. I'm sure I'll get the kids into it soon.”

“Of course they love dub music. It’s the space in it that toddlers just adore.”

“I just find Miyazaki's films so much more rewarding than the dross that Hollywood churns out. Tarquinius and Jemima just love Studio Ghibli.”

“I'm just glad that we did our clubbing during the golden age of acid house, and our parenting during the golden age of television. It's so much more rewarding.”

“I mean, I feel so sorry for today’s kids growing up. They’ll never truly experience what it used to be like at Plastic People. That system…”

“The only kind of clubbing I really like now is Spiritland. It’s like Plastic People used to be – that system – only with sumptuous food and craft beer. Divine.”

“I just find jazz so much more rewarding than four to the floor.”

“I mean, I like grime as much as the next yoot, I just wouldn't like my kid to go to any grime nights.”

“I used to wear Supreme, but now it’s just for kids, although I wouldn’t let my kids wear it.”

“What are we going to tell the kids about drugs when they're teenagers? I dread to think!”

“What do you all think about [perm any one name from half a dozen canonical acid house DJs]? I'd never thought he'd be so Brexit.”

“I just think parenting is so much more rewarding than going out and taking drugs all weekend.”

“I just find DJing for my podcast and an internet radio station so much more rewarding than warming up in a premans."

“I just find curating records so much more rewarding than DJing.”

“I mean, his residencies at Moist and the Ministry were the stuff of legend. I never saw him then, sadly, I just don’t know if I could face a night out in south London.”

“I just find disco music so much more rewarding than nu-disco these days.”

“Seriously though, all joking aside, whatever did happen to Fabi Paras?”

“So, shall we go to the next ALFOS then?”

“Does anyone still have a number?”

Words: Tim Murray