JEANS

I bought my first pair of Samurai jeans after I saw some football top lads chatting about them online, and then it kind of evolved from there.

Until then I'd only worn Evisus and Edwins. I also had some G-Star, but it's best I don't mention them. Now I only wear proper jeans – with selvedge. Raw as fuck heavyweight denim, inspired by vintage Levi's. Zimbabwean cotton, donut buttons, Cone Mills, shuttle looms, slubby hands, rivets. But still the trick is not to wash them. This way you get a more natural fade. It's all about the fade, which should be nothing like the fade found on jeans worn by Polish builders. You can't buy a fade. A fade takes time, work, dedication… and never washing them. Just look at the denim fades found in sepia railroad worker photos. You can't buy fade like that in Petticoat Lane Market. Never, never wash them. If you can smell a bit of doings then spray the crotch with Febreze. Harry Monk comes out with a suede brush. Just don't wash them.

My Chore coat is from Son of a Stag, which is my favourite shop and where I usually spend my Saturdays hanging around talking about denim fades, chain stitching and Redwings. The coat is a proper bit of Cone Mills Denim,  based on the same design as a railroad workers work coat. The lads in the office took the piss a bit, but they can fuck off with their Superdry and Herschel. My missus also went a bit mental as I have stained the sofa blue. It has loads of pockets and a really deep one where you can store a rolled up newspaper, probably the Chicago Tribune or something like that, or more likely a dirty book, like Clam Pie, so you can have a crafty wank in a freight car or behind a signal box.

There's is one thing that I ain't, and that is some Tabard wearing cunt. But I did get a lovely gilet from a Japanese website. It is made from a original pattern from a original workwear manufacturer, lovely bit of raw slub denim with loads of pockets, including a pocket watch pocket, a pocket square pocket, a hidden switchblade pocket and another secret inside pocket where they hid their pigskin Joey bags. I can just see the railroad worker popping open his gilet and unrolling his Jimmy hat on to his oily, stained, dingus. it's a real authentic piece that looks super nice under my Chore Jacket.
I have over 50 shirts, all work wear shirts from 7oz to 24oz: denim, chambray, hickory stripe, plaid, flannel, tin cloth, oil skin. Tab collar, banded collar, but never button down, Even though I like to roll my sleeves up, I think short sleeve shirts are for fucking weirdos – but I do like to show my vintage tattoos off. I would love to have arms like Popeye, and at least I'd have the shirts to show them off. If I had arms like Popeye I'd display them in arm wrestles with other railroad workers, or longshoremen, in a local tavern – then by beating up tramps I caught 'riding the rods' in the goods yard.
To break up the denim I like a few Chromexcel Horween leather goods, a nice lanyard, Oyster card holder, chewing tobacco pouch, key purse, and business card holder, all strategically positioned at the intersections of the different denim pieces. A few leather bracelets are nice, and I even have a Tanner Goods one that clips around the base of my cock and balls. Not that you can see it, though, as I keep my pubes in a vintage bush style. But keep them traditionally oiled.
I have to keep my eye on eBay, as I'm currently bidding on a original vintage Hickory stripe railroad engineers hat –  which will look smart as fuck with my original vintage denim dungarees. I recently sold all my rare trainers on the 'bay as I don't wear sportswear anymore, except if you call a loopwheeled sweatshirt with a embroidered Rocky & Bullwinkle logo sportswear. I now only wear work or engineer's boots, which aren't the best things to wear when cycling to the office or on your summer holidays, Anyway, with the money from eBay I'm planning a holiday to Japan because I'm going to give my prized denim collection its first wash. There's only one place for that and it's in the Japanese sea. Failing that, there's a good spot by the sewage outlet in Canvey Island.
Either way they fucking need a good wash!